Patience, young one

I was on the phone with my boyfriend at eleven in the evening, speaking softly as I wept. In an unfortunate but somehow expected turn of events, I lost my part-time job. Well, it's sales. Everyone who has been in sales knows how the system works. It's almost like living on the edge of a cliff. I still have the license to continue but the past months have been overwhelming to say the least. And all the money I worked hard for is just there, waiting until I get reinstated. I am still employed full-time so I am not sure what I was crying about. Is it the loss of extra money? Is it losing the drive I once had to pursue this? Is it because I feel left behind and not making as much as I intended to? Or am I just generally tired of being an adult? 

Truth be told, I have come to realize that not everyone works hard to become a corporate executive or a sought-after lawyer. I see acquaintances grow up to be teachers or peace advocates. Some jobs are more emotionally-rewarding than they are monetarily, and that's alright. The world is much more broken than our bank accounts, we are in dire need of healers. As for me, I like my job. I really do. But I am a seeker. I feel there is too much life in me to be stuck behind a desk my whole life, competing with colleagues for every prized promotion. If there is one reason why I'm staying and putting my heart in this job, it's because my employer veers away from common practices of huge corporations run by greedy capitalists. They are loved by their people. But if I had the money I would much rather have small businesses that contribute to communities and travel the world. I refuse to live life my like a tree - solitary, giving off my life, unable to move, stuck in one place for all eternity. Contrary to what many believe, I find happiness at the bottom of my suitcase. I figured that must be the reason why I was crying - I realized the size of the dent losing my part-time job left on my income. I had to cut down on everything. Just when I thought I was closer to my dreams, I'm now two steps back. But I guess that's just how life is isn't it? Maybe it's time to listen to everyone - Be patient, you are young, in time you will see the world.