On Shattered Dreams

It felt like my heart broke into a million tiny pieces when I declined Citibank's job offer. I've always known that the end goal is to become an entrepreneur and it was even reinforced by my decision to take up Entrepreneurship as my major for masters. But even so, being in corporate as I build a little empire of my own is still part of the plan. So, Citibank - the company I've been pushing myself into like a barbecue stick hopelessly penetrating a brick wall. It has always been my dream to work there for reasons I find indiscernible myself. I managed to get some answers to my queries, having a number of friends working there. In summary they say this is how it's like to work at Citibank: Your colleagues per se make the work place feel like utopia, until you have to go home and realize you need to dig your way out. There's no escaping the work load. They don't follow the 8-hour work schedule, instead they work 10-16 hours a day not even entitled to overtime pay. But they say you wouldn't mind when you get there since the job pays so well. And to top it off, the first few weeks may be unbearable depending on your threshold. It will go from "layman meets astrophysics" to "neanderthal meets computer", but it will make you realize that the complex formulas and critical analysis of words and numbers you used in college can actually be applied in reality, which can be considered as a deja vu of all the intellectual torment I went through in college.

Now I don't know why, but as much as it sounded like working there will be like going on a suicide mission, I wanted it more. I guess I'm just thirsty for great challenges and sophistication that I was deprived of for so long. So when Citibank called me for my job offer, my heart leaped so hard it felt like it was gonna come out of my chest. But, there are things in life that you want so bad but aren't meant for you. Apparently, if I accept the job I will be working with the system operations team and will be given a permanent graveyard schedule. The package was irresistible, but in the process I might have to give up a couple of things like sleep, working while the sun is up like normal people, and graduate school. I had to weigh my options in the most unbiased way I know. So I had to turn them down, and two days after it still hurts. I hope they would let me re-apply, or I might just have to start looking elsewhere. 

This is the thing about growing up, we are forced to make such painful choices with less allowance for mistakes.

--

And oh, today's also my last day at work. Too much goodbyes in a week.