Life's like Fuck sometimes

Thursday, February 26, 2009 No comments
Have you ever wondered why you keep on trying to live a perfect life in an imperfect world, doing good things for an unknown sake, trying to be beautiful and loved but you know in the end, every conscious effort will decompose 6 feet under along with your decaying self, where life ends without knowing what's next? No, it's not exactly a morbid thought, I'm not merely speaking of death, I've been pondering on "purpose".
LIFE IS ABSURD

We have so many questions we can't find answers to. Sometimes it turns silly to even ask about purpose, the answers go in different cycles and yet they come insufficient. Sometimes life plays us, it's ridiculous to think that even destiny could be fickle, because we are the ones who make it up.
We could all be pretty fucked up sometimes, like how I get to have a taste of both heaven and hell in one day. One minute you're jumping for joy and the next thing you know you're running out of tears. I felt bad all the same, everything wonderful withered away so quickly, just like a freaking cotton candy :|

So my story goes like this. I was happy because I'm finally starting to have a life, like really, I felt so out of custody's reach! I spent so much time with my friends, partly doing crazy things (which are not bad by the way, just fun), I got my mystery wish last Christmas (better late than never), and I passed the qualifying exam for shiftees!! In a few months, I'll be officially taking up Finance, I'm surprised too! not only because I passed, but the irony in the fact that I'm a Math hater entering the world of numbers! Everything was hard to absorb really, like the joy was overflowing that it became strangely unfathomable.

Then it just turned gray, tomorrow I'm supposed to be having the best dinner so far this year, I'm supposed to be partying 'til dawn and all purple, I'm supposed to be having an overnight in a glamorous hotel with my extra-beloved girl friends, I'm supposed to be having FUN. It was well planned, like a month before, and just because I went home drunk and can't help myself up (considering JP was the one who picked me up and brought me home) my narrow-minded parents think I'm ruining my life, but it was the first time that that has happened because the drinks were all mixed up and I swear my boyfriend's not a pervert so my mom's gotta stop generalizing, she's turning into a psychofreak for being such a paranoid, even my dad thinks I don't understand them, like I'm taking all their efforts for granted, and I knew they were over reacting, I mean I appreciate everything, and it's not only anger but concern they're showing, but still, the things they told me were really inconsiderate, like they don't know me at all. We argued like fuck when I got sober. I'm not allowed to go on night-outs anymore, and they don't trust me, and mom doesn't want me to have a boyfriend because she says it doesn't matter if I'm mature I'm still a kid, and it's really disappointing that they can't set things straight. They were mad that I'm not being open to them, so I told them I was afraid because I knew they were not that receptive, and then they said, even if I open up to them, they still wouldn't allow me to do things they don't like. Geez, talk about loo-loo. So it was apparently all psychodrama, they simply overreacted, like getting drunk once would ruin your whole life. What a waste. :| So I just ignored it, I don't seem to mind much of it anyway, what made me feel bad is how I felt loved by my friends. I never thought they'd be willing to give up so much for me.

THE WHOLE DAY WAS CANCELED. The party and all the fun stuff BFF was supposed to throw tomorrow is not gonna push through. All because I'm not coming "it wouldn't be the same without you", it's so cheesy, but I felt happy and guilty all at once, I never thought they'd cancel something so BIG, even BFF's mom said not to give it a go. I was moved by that, I'm so sorry for being such a party pooper. :(

Above all, I realized my friends are the best! They were all so concerned and eager to bail me out, haha! JP got plus points for comforting me too, I said sorry for getting him involved and he just told me to understand my parents, he said they're just concerned. Aw, I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!. I ruined almost everything, haha, badshot na college friends, pero it's okay, you just won a free membership to my fucked up life. HAHA. xD

It still feels weird though, my parents weren't strict at all, then it's like that all of a sudden. But naaaaah, I'm not a bad girl you know, it's just that I can't obey everything, especially when it's too stupid to take into account.

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