Thank you, Universe.

It's a good Friday night and all she wants to do is curl up in bed and tell herself that it's gonna be alright. In the end, it's gonna be alright.

Bad days come frequent or too often for some people. The intensity, we can never tell because it's subjective. Moping foreordains itself and carrying on becomes a choice. It's like there's no escaping it. The number of reasons behind is infinite and no matter how unreasonable, the pain is still the same. Sometimes logic makes no effort of meeting halfway with understanding (or maybe it's the other way around). Bad days are bailable, consecutive bad weeks entail prolonged misery, but an entire bad month gives depression. It makes you lose that "I can do this, we can do this" vibe down to its very last drop. It can be because of the infinite set of reasons re freedom and getting to do things that can never be done in custom exclusivity, things thought about in retrospect or because one person subconsciously severs all ties between the two strongest persons on Earth. There was no clear explanation, no one is to blame. It's like the universe conspired to make it happen. The universe. Always playing tricks on us.

She can only tell herself it's gonna be alright because nobody else will, not him, not anymore. She can never drive him out of the wonderfully envisioned life they were supposed to have but presence makes up for nothing if one stopped believing and the other is too frail to accept things that don't go her way. "Don't wanna give in, so they both gave up" as the song goes, but the words "I give up" meant nothing, because emotionally both gave up but no one really did. It's a tiresome and vicious cycle and she starts to wonder how the universe makes those intervals. Good days-steady days-bad days. How long? How long will it take to have another good day again? One that takes longer than two hours of retail therapy. One that isn't too temporary.

They say you have to do things to keep yourself occupied. But the thing is, keeping yourself occupied is just another stalling strategy. Try to keep good things in place now for your well-being, worry about how fucked up the world is later. It only really works when you do something so grand the world has to raise a white flag and affirm that you do deserve better. You know, make something really good of yourself. But sometimes things don't go that way. There is only shopping, spa, and  trying to land an entry level position at some reknowned company. Of which accomplishment is either too short-lived or requires so much patience that it doesn't occupy you at all. There's too little to do for such colossal pain to conceal. All she can really do is endure and have a good cry.

The pace is too slow. She waits for the bad days to be over. Because she said "I'll never give up on you" and because again, it's just the universe playing tricks on us.