Burning bridges

Have you ever seen yourself waiting for all of it to end?

I have this theory: You have to allow yourself to be sad sometimes. You can't keep it all in and you certainly can't be happy all your life. That wouldn't be fair either.

It always takes you by surprise. Sometimes you become too happy to even admit it because everyone else has his or her own sentiments and you feel like you're not doing them justice, and somehow you just want to make the world feel round because it is. It goes on for a long time like you've set foot on cloud nine where it felt like home, and everything's so easy, then you find yourself poised on the edge of a great precipice about to fall... and then finally really falling. Now you're flat on the ground like you've been pounded by a hedgehammer and it hurts, but you're not dead. It just aches everywhere.

You find peace in both knowing and not knowing - sometimes you don't know which. And it feels like arson trying to find comfort in much worse situations, in the demise of others, because someone always has it worse than you do. At some point they start to matter more, but in some way you keep coming back to your own pit because you know you also want to be saved. You build these walls around you but all you want is to be saved.